


Never Not

by miing_10



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Songfic, Tags Contain Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 14:42:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14875704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miing_10/pseuds/miing_10
Summary: Based on Never Not by Lauv.Shizuo reminiscing his actions.Hints of Kasuka x Ruri.(Slight spoilers from DRRR x2 Ketsu and After Sunset With Orihara Izaya!!)





	Never Not

Shizuo never thought the day his life became dull could arrive any sooner. Sure, he wished for peace even once in his life. But he wasn't sure if it was really what he hoped for. There were mixed feelings in his gut. He wasn't sure if it was peace he's experiencing or remorse he felt more. It was only a year after the 'disappearance' of Orihara Izaya the flea, his archnemesis. Yet rather than reserved, he felt empty and shaken. As if a part of him went missing in the process.

"Did something happen, Nii-san?"

Kasuka's voice felt distant even as they sat next to one another. Shizuo didn't mean to be distracted, not when Kasuka was spending what little free time he had just to meet him. Sighing, a puff of smoke escaped Shizuo's parched lips.

"No, it's nothing. The city feels quiet nowadays,"

It was true. Ever since the bastard left the city for good, not much have happened. Shizuo could complete most of his work without having to go berserk. Not to mention he managed to control his anger better than before.

He was smoking in a moderate amount too.

  
"Do you miss him?"

It was taboo to point out the person by name. And giving hints bore the same consequences.

Although slightly taken aback and shocked, Shizuo felt more confused than attacked.

"...why would I? He could be _dead_ anyway for all I care."

Insincerity laced in his voice, rough and gruff yet Kasuka didn't point that out. He understood his brother too well not to provoke his anger even as he knew Shizuo would never in a million years hurt him. Not that he cared, Kasuka told himself, he believed in his brother's rationality and capabilities.

"I heard he solved a few cases in another city,"

Kasuka kept talking. They were seated at a park whilst watching the sunset. It wasn't the best view they could get, but everything was beautiful when shared with somebody, especially the ones you love.

_Just like the bond Nii-san shared with Orihara-san._

Albeit not love, but still a bond stronger than anything else.

"He must be wrecking another city then, that parasite,"

"I heard he changed,"

"No, he won't—"

"Nii-san, he's on a wheelch—"

"Kasuka, will you _stop_?"

Kasuka's mouth was drawn into a thin pair of line, silenced as soon as he saw the expression on Shizuo's face. The fall of his bangs hid most of it but the younger Heiwajima could feel guilt radiating off his figure, alive and consuming. So he tried again.

"Nii-san—"

"I'd be lying if I say I had never not think about him,"

It was barely audible. Just a hint of whisper but Kasuka's ears caught them. His mind processed. His heart understood.

_They say love is a strong emotion. But so is hatred._

Kasuka could never comprehend these two terms without the help of Ruri and Shizuo respectively. And now that he did, he hoped to help in the best way possible.

"Do you miss him?"

So he repeated the question from earlier. Shizuo couldn't answer. Because in the end, he was the main reason Izaya left. He was the main reason for Izaya's immobility. And he was the main reason for their relationship. If he hadn't pushed him away at that time, will everything end differently?

 

 

  
_"Do you miss me, Shizu-chan?"_

Shizuo whipped his head around and Kasuka was no longer beside him. A familiar face replaced that of similar to his and he could feel air constricted in his lungs.

"Didn't we have fun, looking back?"

Izaya leant on his shoulder, closing his eyes after.

"Didn't we? For as long as I live and as long as I love, I will never not think about you too, Shizuo,"

At that moment, Shizuo realized it wasn't a game of fate he was playing. It was a game of trust and belief, where they found home once again in another's presence.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I love to write angst so much and the song just fits them both!  
> I'm not a fan of songfics if I must say (even though this is my second songfic in here) but incorporating lyrics in a fanfic is what I love to do xD
> 
> Please listen to the song too though, Lauv's voice is always very soothing and calm I love his music so much! Show him so love please! He deserves more recognition :))
> 
> Kudos and comments are welcomed!


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